I know what I'm giving thanks for!

I'm on thanksgiving break right now. There are many things at this point that COULD bring me down, like the fact that it's the holidays so everyone is getting cuddly and insufferable and there are lots of movies out about couples getting together on christmas and kissing at midnight and all that. But luckily, there are way more things to be thankful for than there are to be bummed about(despite what the evening news would have us think...).I shall count my blessings one by one:
1. My loving supportive family.
2. Specifically my parents that would lay down in traffic for me if I needed it.
3. My precious nephew
4. My sweet little doggie Suzie buttons
5. That I have a job in THIS economy
6. That I have a job I LIKE and can take pride in
7. That I have a job that allows me to do other things I like such as travel, and take leisure time
8. That I get to perform
9. I'm in good health
10. I live in a nice apartment with a roommate that can stand me
11. I have a nice reliable car
12. I have talented children
13. I love my church
14. I love my church choir and director
15. I'm thankful that I have the means to get nice clothes and accessories for myself.
16. I'm thankful that I have several different interests that keep me busy
17. That there is a loving God looking out for me and thinking specifically of ME
18 That that God sent his son to die on a cross to save me from all my bad choices
19. That his son Jesus is with me all the time guiding my steps
20. I'm thankful that in good times, and even in times of grief, sadness, depression, etc, Jesus sits with me and comforts me

I'll stop there for now. I have a lot to be thankful for. So I'll try to constantly remind myself of these things and not let Satan remind me of the one thing always hanging over my head...

Boy B is a goner

So, it's over between me and Boy B. As it turns out...he's NOT the sweet respectful Christian man I thought he was. VERY much so... Even though we had had SEVERAL very open blunt conversations about the s-e-x word, and I made it very clear I am going to wait, he said he agreed and respected me more for it, even saying he feels better about this relationship than any others because we're holding each other accountable and making the relationship Christ-centered. Without going into too much detail...as it turns out...he was lying to get into my pants. Pathetic. That's like 18-yr-old high school crap!! He's a grown man and he can't keep it in his pants!!!

After that information came out about him, I shut it down real quick. I'm still so confused because ..."outside the bedroom" he was so sweet to me! He almost worshipped me! He was already planning things with me and talking about the future and everything. And I never took him as a man that had that little self-control. Absolutely pathetic.

Luckily, in my current emotional state I am VERY drawn to God and my family. If showing me that every other man is a douche is His way of romancing me, then it's God for the win!!

So anyway, here I am. Back to square one. I've only got one more month to go til my 6-month guarantee kicks in. I'm debating at this point whether I should take it. It's just six more months of non-husbands, awkward dates, sibling-listing, relationships you think will make it but only last 3 weeks because your boyfriend is a liar, in short...6 more months of failure. As loser-y as I feel at the moment, I can't imagine how I'll feel at the end of 6 more months of this...

But I do like free stuff...

Update

So, according to facebook, I've been "in a relationship" with Boy B for almost 2 weeks. It's weird though because even though God has given me what I "want," I don't feel like it's what I really "need." My head is constantly spinning with this guy wondering how he's feels about me, how I feel about him, if this will go anywhere, if he could actually be "the one," and so on. You know...all those questions you ask yourself at the beginning of any relationship. It's been such a weird transition, and I blame being single for so long. I've gotten so used to being on my own time table, being in my own place, and just basically not having to think about anyone but myself.

He's such a great guy. He has so many wonderful qualities that ARE things that I'm looking for. He's a Christian(who is actually concerned with what GOD wants for his life...), he's got a master's degree, a good stable job, a nice family, he LOVES to travel and has been all over the world, and I suppose most importantly, he treats me so well. He really likes me and goes to great pains to make sure I'm ok, and to make sure I know he's thinking about me(which is a HUGE deal for me!!). He really is great. I just want him to be happy with me. But let's face it...I can be a PILL.

New Development

So here's something interesting...

I'm kinda talking with Boy B again. How weird is that? We got back into communication with each other so we're kinda on *that* path again! Somehow I got all freaked out last time, and i was making it all complicated! I think maybe it's because I wasn't opening myself up to dating quite yet. It's weird, when you've been single so long, it's tough opening up your life to accomodate someone else. I hadn't taken that into consideration. I mean, intellectually I had, but even having someone touching me in a "romantic way" was odd and awkward because it felt...fake. Like we were just playing the roles of "dating people." And before, I had all these rules and ideas in my head that were just unrealisitc, I suppose.

I feel like I'm not really explaining myself well. I don't think my thoughts on this are quite coherent yet. I'll just say this: I think he really likes me and I think this one may actually stick. Although, that's what I thought of Boy D...but the fact that Boy B and I still want to date after dating, not dating, dating other people, and then coming back to each other...I think that says something. I am opening myself up to him and opening my life to accomodate another person. He had done that when we started dating and I had not. We'll see where it goes. I'll keep you updated.

One more thing... he held my hand last night. Teehee!

Past

Lately, I've been thinking about giving Boy B a second chance. Maybe it was just timing with us. Or maybe it was Boy D coming along. I wonder if he's seeing anyone...he probably is. He was pretty active on match.

Match by the Numbers

The main reason I got on Match is because I felt like I had already exhausted all of the options in my own area. Meaning, I have found absolutely no datable men at my school, at my church, in the opera, at my apartment complex, or any of the other places I frequent in my day-to-day life. Therefore, I decided to look outside the confines of those places and meet some people I would have no way to meet otherwise.

According to Match.com:
1. There are 1,558 men between the ages of 25-30 within 100 miles of me that are Christian and have never been married. Those are the first two things I look at.
2. 834 of those men have at least a Bachelor's degree.
3. Subtract the smokers and heavy drinkers from that group and I still have 679 dudes to choose from.
4. I NEED a man who likes performing arts and loves to travel because performing arts is my livelihood and traveling MUST be in my future for me to be happy. So that leaves me 512.
5. When I narrow it down with my physical preferences, I have 402 in the running.
6. Now when I narrow it down by the things that I think to myself, "If i want my life to be exactly how I've always imagined it, my husband will have these qualities...that leaves 4 men between the ages of 25-30 within 100 miles of me that have exactly the qualities I want in my ideal husband.

There are a few things I can conclude from this information.
1. I am extremely picky. But from what everyone tells me, that's ok.
2. There are a lot more good guys out there that like performing arts than I realize!
3. If I am to love a man, I MUST learn to deal with sports...ugh
4. If there are 1,558 Christian, never married men between the ages of 25-30 within 100 miles of me, if you assume roughly 1,000 Christian men to each large Texas city, that'd be at least 7,000ish in Texas alone.

There are a couple questions I need to ask  myself:
1. What are the chances that any of those 1,558 men are looking for someone exactly like me?
2. With all these thousands of men on Match.com, and all the men that AREN'T on Match.com...

WHY THE HOLY HELL CAN'T I FIND A HUSBAND?!?!?!?!?

Thoughts

It's been a slow night. I haven't heard from either new dude, not Boy F, whose got two kids, or potential Boy G, who I don't know if I'm that attracted to in the first place.

All of these misadventures drive me nearer and nearer into the arms of my gay, Donald. He and I have been BFFs since my freshman year of high school. We dated after he graduated and moved to OKC for college, before he came out. We all knew though. Anyhow, since he and I are getting older, and we're still each other's
BFFs. We've been discussing the idea of getting married and moving to England. I mean, we love each other and all. There'd just likely be no sex. All this drama that I've gone through the past 4 months makes me want to hang it all up and just marry him. It's easy with him. I can fart in front of him. I can get drunk around him. I can talk about poop with him. I can go bra-less around him. We know everything about each other. I know what I love about him, and I know what I hate about him. But in the end, you choose who you choose. If after a year of this, I'm still single, I'm marrying Donald. He loves me. He'll let me have the wedding of my dreams. And he'll go with me to move to England.