The Game Changer

I had a first date the other night that was so bad it inspired me to do two things: 1) Update my profile to include the phrase, "I want someone who is willing to open up their lives to make room for a new person," and 2) Look for new dating sites.

Yes. It was that bad. Wanna hear about it? I guess it's sort of a cautionary tale now.

So, we'd been having so much fun talking on the phone, so much so that I was actually thinking he was like...you know...something special. So i was so excited to get to meet up with him on Wed night. We decided to do something casual so he suggested going to a coffee shop. We both got there at the exact same time, and walked in together, which was quite pleasant. We walked up to the counter, he motioned for me to go on up and order. So, I ordered an iced tea, and I looked at him and he just asked for an ice water(weird, but whatever). So, I wait for him to get out his wallet to out down the $2.14 that would've avoided the awkwardness that befell the rest of the evening, but he didn't. After a few seconds, he looked at me and said these words: "So, you gonna pay the guy, or what?"

Really???
I felt the redness of embarrassment and heat of anger well up in my face. I stared into his face wondering if he was joking or not. When it became apparent he wasn't, I slowly reached into my purse keeping my eyes fixed on him the whole time waiting for him to say, "Ha ha, I gotcha!" But he stared at me while I pulled out my debit card, handed it to the cashier, then he proceeded to poke fun at the fact that I didn't have enough cash to pay $2.14 for my drink. Everything in me wanted to pay, grab my drink, and walk out. I would've felt so much stronger. But sadly, I'm single, I'm running out of options, so...I stayed and said to myself, "ok....strike one."

We went to sit at a table, and when we sat down, I asked him if we could go sit outside because I knew my voice would carry, especially in a quite place like a coffee shop. It may as well have been a library. But he said, "Can I just cool down for a sec?" (whatever that means...) So I agreed. I waited for him to bring the conversation. When he finally did, we fell into talking, and after a few minutes he started getting quieter and quieter so i started to lean forward so i could hear him better, and he asked, "Are you having a hard time hearing me?" So I laughed and said yes. His reply?? "I was just trying to bring the volume down hoping you'd follow my lead. You're just talking so loud!" That was the end of my niceness. I popped back, "That's why I asked to go outside!! I KNOW my voice is loud, but you insisted we sit inside!" So he laughed and we went outside. Again, why I stayed? I'm pathetic. Strike two.

So we talk some more, but this guy had just insulted me twice thus far on our FIRST date so my patience had worn thin. I stopped trying to hold back my love of argument. We were ok when we were discussing movies, books, and the typical pop culture topics. But he got on a new topic. He told me he was reading through my livejournals (which he had already told me. THIS wasn't the insulting part), and he said he thought they were kinda whiny and immature(which was also not the insulting part...). So, i asked him what he thought. His reply?
"I guess I had hoped you had matured since then."

And after that I shut it down. Strike three. I told him I wanted to go, so i started walking to my car. We argued all the way back. He accused me of being a drama queen, and I reminded him, it's not ME being a drama queen. It's HIM being an unapologetic asshole. But guys like that will always believe it's not THEM. It's everyone else.

I told this story to a round table of opera guys before rehearsal last night and they all laughed their asses off when I told them the first line, "So, you gonna pay the guy or what?" None of them knew what to say. At least they all agreed and reaffirmed the fact that since HE'S the dude, HE should've paid. But, kids in the audience, I hope you understand that it's not the money that's the issue. The issue is that in the first five minutes he made it abundantly clear that he was not out to impress me, nor did he have any intention to try. Pathetic.

So, after I told them the rest of the story, my friend Paul told me about a different kind of site. It's what they call a "niche" dating site. It's called, get ready for it, Geek 2 Geek. I thought that was just about the most brilliant thing I'd ever heard, so I got online, made a profile, and here's hoping I start meeting a new kind of man. Maybe one that can actually pony up the dough to buy a lady a drink.