Something New

So, since I broke up with Boy B, or as I refer to him now, "D-bag," I haven't seen much action on match.com. I've heard from Boy F(the one with two kids) a few times. But I don't get him.I hadn't heard from his AT ALL in like a month, and then all of a sudden, he texted me right before Thanksgiving. I thought he had texted the wrong person because his text sounded like it was in response to a question he'd been asked.But I don't know. I texted him back and he kept the conversation going for a bit. But then after he went to bed, I didn't hear from him for another week. Then, I texted with him on Monday night, and I haven't heard from him since! So...whatever. I'm getting bored with it.

I've been keeping my parents updated about how it's going, and they're surprisingly supportive of my decision to start internet-dating. I thought they'd be wary of it, but I think at this point, they just want to marry me off so bad they don't care WHERE i meet this dude. So, the day i went hunting with my dad, we were in the car together for a couple hours so we got to talking of course and I mentioned how much it had cost me to get on match, and he said that he'd pay for any other dating sites I wanted to sign up for. I thought that was interesting. So, I went out on a limb and signed on to Chemistry.com just because it's something new. And I've already met a new dude!

I shall call him Chem 1. We've been emailing back and forth since Tuesday, and on paper he's like...the perfect guy for me(but lots of dudes are on paper, so that doesn't really mean much). He's a foreign legal consultant, so he's super smart, hard-working, and mature. He's bi-lingual, he's a Christian who grew up Baptist, and has a solid walk with Christ. He has a close family, loves to travel, learn new things, and he's a classically trained guitar player! Thus far he's got LOTS of qualities I'm looking for. We just crossed the facebook barrier today and I checked him out. So far so good. And he talks a lot too, so he seems interested in me. But when I look at all his qualities, I almost think...he's too good for me... I don't know. I shouldn't think that. But he may find out I'm not all that smart, or that I'm not all that fit or as active as him. But thus far he SEEMS into me. So, hopefully we can keep getting to know each other. I'll keep this updated. Wish me luck!!

I know what I'm giving thanks for!

I'm on thanksgiving break right now. There are many things at this point that COULD bring me down, like the fact that it's the holidays so everyone is getting cuddly and insufferable and there are lots of movies out about couples getting together on christmas and kissing at midnight and all that. But luckily, there are way more things to be thankful for than there are to be bummed about(despite what the evening news would have us think...).I shall count my blessings one by one:
1. My loving supportive family.
2. Specifically my parents that would lay down in traffic for me if I needed it.
3. My precious nephew
4. My sweet little doggie Suzie buttons
5. That I have a job in THIS economy
6. That I have a job I LIKE and can take pride in
7. That I have a job that allows me to do other things I like such as travel, and take leisure time
8. That I get to perform
9. I'm in good health
10. I live in a nice apartment with a roommate that can stand me
11. I have a nice reliable car
12. I have talented children
13. I love my church
14. I love my church choir and director
15. I'm thankful that I have the means to get nice clothes and accessories for myself.
16. I'm thankful that I have several different interests that keep me busy
17. That there is a loving God looking out for me and thinking specifically of ME
18 That that God sent his son to die on a cross to save me from all my bad choices
19. That his son Jesus is with me all the time guiding my steps
20. I'm thankful that in good times, and even in times of grief, sadness, depression, etc, Jesus sits with me and comforts me

I'll stop there for now. I have a lot to be thankful for. So I'll try to constantly remind myself of these things and not let Satan remind me of the one thing always hanging over my head...

Boy B is a goner

So, it's over between me and Boy B. As it turns out...he's NOT the sweet respectful Christian man I thought he was. VERY much so... Even though we had had SEVERAL very open blunt conversations about the s-e-x word, and I made it very clear I am going to wait, he said he agreed and respected me more for it, even saying he feels better about this relationship than any others because we're holding each other accountable and making the relationship Christ-centered. Without going into too much detail...as it turns out...he was lying to get into my pants. Pathetic. That's like 18-yr-old high school crap!! He's a grown man and he can't keep it in his pants!!!

After that information came out about him, I shut it down real quick. I'm still so confused because ..."outside the bedroom" he was so sweet to me! He almost worshipped me! He was already planning things with me and talking about the future and everything. And I never took him as a man that had that little self-control. Absolutely pathetic.

Luckily, in my current emotional state I am VERY drawn to God and my family. If showing me that every other man is a douche is His way of romancing me, then it's God for the win!!

So anyway, here I am. Back to square one. I've only got one more month to go til my 6-month guarantee kicks in. I'm debating at this point whether I should take it. It's just six more months of non-husbands, awkward dates, sibling-listing, relationships you think will make it but only last 3 weeks because your boyfriend is a liar, in short...6 more months of failure. As loser-y as I feel at the moment, I can't imagine how I'll feel at the end of 6 more months of this...

But I do like free stuff...

Update

So, according to facebook, I've been "in a relationship" with Boy B for almost 2 weeks. It's weird though because even though God has given me what I "want," I don't feel like it's what I really "need." My head is constantly spinning with this guy wondering how he's feels about me, how I feel about him, if this will go anywhere, if he could actually be "the one," and so on. You know...all those questions you ask yourself at the beginning of any relationship. It's been such a weird transition, and I blame being single for so long. I've gotten so used to being on my own time table, being in my own place, and just basically not having to think about anyone but myself.

He's such a great guy. He has so many wonderful qualities that ARE things that I'm looking for. He's a Christian(who is actually concerned with what GOD wants for his life...), he's got a master's degree, a good stable job, a nice family, he LOVES to travel and has been all over the world, and I suppose most importantly, he treats me so well. He really likes me and goes to great pains to make sure I'm ok, and to make sure I know he's thinking about me(which is a HUGE deal for me!!). He really is great. I just want him to be happy with me. But let's face it...I can be a PILL.

New Development

So here's something interesting...

I'm kinda talking with Boy B again. How weird is that? We got back into communication with each other so we're kinda on *that* path again! Somehow I got all freaked out last time, and i was making it all complicated! I think maybe it's because I wasn't opening myself up to dating quite yet. It's weird, when you've been single so long, it's tough opening up your life to accomodate someone else. I hadn't taken that into consideration. I mean, intellectually I had, but even having someone touching me in a "romantic way" was odd and awkward because it felt...fake. Like we were just playing the roles of "dating people." And before, I had all these rules and ideas in my head that were just unrealisitc, I suppose.

I feel like I'm not really explaining myself well. I don't think my thoughts on this are quite coherent yet. I'll just say this: I think he really likes me and I think this one may actually stick. Although, that's what I thought of Boy D...but the fact that Boy B and I still want to date after dating, not dating, dating other people, and then coming back to each other...I think that says something. I am opening myself up to him and opening my life to accomodate another person. He had done that when we started dating and I had not. We'll see where it goes. I'll keep you updated.

One more thing... he held my hand last night. Teehee!

Past

Lately, I've been thinking about giving Boy B a second chance. Maybe it was just timing with us. Or maybe it was Boy D coming along. I wonder if he's seeing anyone...he probably is. He was pretty active on match.

Match by the Numbers

The main reason I got on Match is because I felt like I had already exhausted all of the options in my own area. Meaning, I have found absolutely no datable men at my school, at my church, in the opera, at my apartment complex, or any of the other places I frequent in my day-to-day life. Therefore, I decided to look outside the confines of those places and meet some people I would have no way to meet otherwise.

According to Match.com:
1. There are 1,558 men between the ages of 25-30 within 100 miles of me that are Christian and have never been married. Those are the first two things I look at.
2. 834 of those men have at least a Bachelor's degree.
3. Subtract the smokers and heavy drinkers from that group and I still have 679 dudes to choose from.
4. I NEED a man who likes performing arts and loves to travel because performing arts is my livelihood and traveling MUST be in my future for me to be happy. So that leaves me 512.
5. When I narrow it down with my physical preferences, I have 402 in the running.
6. Now when I narrow it down by the things that I think to myself, "If i want my life to be exactly how I've always imagined it, my husband will have these qualities...that leaves 4 men between the ages of 25-30 within 100 miles of me that have exactly the qualities I want in my ideal husband.

There are a few things I can conclude from this information.
1. I am extremely picky. But from what everyone tells me, that's ok.
2. There are a lot more good guys out there that like performing arts than I realize!
3. If I am to love a man, I MUST learn to deal with sports...ugh
4. If there are 1,558 Christian, never married men between the ages of 25-30 within 100 miles of me, if you assume roughly 1,000 Christian men to each large Texas city, that'd be at least 7,000ish in Texas alone.

There are a couple questions I need to ask  myself:
1. What are the chances that any of those 1,558 men are looking for someone exactly like me?
2. With all these thousands of men on Match.com, and all the men that AREN'T on Match.com...

WHY THE HOLY HELL CAN'T I FIND A HUSBAND?!?!?!?!?

Thoughts

It's been a slow night. I haven't heard from either new dude, not Boy F, whose got two kids, or potential Boy G, who I don't know if I'm that attracted to in the first place.

All of these misadventures drive me nearer and nearer into the arms of my gay, Donald. He and I have been BFFs since my freshman year of high school. We dated after he graduated and moved to OKC for college, before he came out. We all knew though. Anyhow, since he and I are getting older, and we're still each other's
BFFs. We've been discussing the idea of getting married and moving to England. I mean, we love each other and all. There'd just likely be no sex. All this drama that I've gone through the past 4 months makes me want to hang it all up and just marry him. It's easy with him. I can fart in front of him. I can get drunk around him. I can talk about poop with him. I can go bra-less around him. We know everything about each other. I know what I love about him, and I know what I hate about him. But in the end, you choose who you choose. If after a year of this, I'm still single, I'm marrying Donald. He loves me. He'll let me have the wedding of my dreams. And he'll go with me to move to England.

What fresh Hell is this?

After Boy D and I went out on our first date, I told Boy B and Boy C that I started seeing someone and wanted to see where it goes. I guess it was for the best but still.

Oddly enough, a few hours after I got off that fateful phone call from Boy D, I got a long email from Boy E. It seemed that he liked to talk, and he had a good personality and he was attractive, so I started talking with him. Well, texting with him. We texted back and forth almost constantly for two weeks. We just blew up each other's phones with all the words!! It's not that we had so much in common, we just enjoyed each other's company. He kept telling me how pretty he thought I was. That always throws me. It's not that I don't think I'm pretty, but I'm definitely not an obvious kind of pretty. But if someone is attracted to me, I guess that's all that matters. But he went a little overboard with it to the point where it made me a little uncomfortable.

Anyway, he's a big drinker, and he's not really a Christian, and from the sounds of it he's been with a lot of chicks...which I know should've been red flags to me, but I had just come off an exciting relationship and I was feeling bad about myself, so I was more vulnerable. So he went away for the weekend for a football game, we textedhappily til Sat night, then I didn't hear from him all Sunday, all Monday, or all Tuesday, so I figured he'd lost interest. So I unfriended him on facebook Tuesday night. That brings us to this morning when he texted me this story about how he left his phone up there because he was hungover...ugh... So I was willing to give it another chance, but he was acting like such a douche trying to make me out to be some psycho because I unfriended him. Are we in high school?? I don't know what I'm supposed to think when a guy i've been talking to just stops talking to me for three days. Phone or no phone, with modern technology, there are a million and one ways to get in touch with someone if it's important to talk to them. So, its over with me and him. DEFINITELY for the best on that one...

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnddddd that brings us up to speed on my current situation. This afternoon, I got a text from Boy F, a guy I've been match-emailing for a few days. And this evening, I got a match email from a potential Boy G, a dude I winked at the other day(although he won't officially get a letter until we move to "phone level"). So...let's see what fresh hell this brings!!

Boy D

He gets his own post. He was special. He IS special.

Chapter 1:
So, while I was still dating Boy B and talking with Boy C, I started talking with Boy D. At first glance, he and I didn't have one single thing in common. He is from East Texas hickville like where my mom's side of the family is from. He has a super thick accent, loves guns, hunts birds, has a mustache... VERY East Texas. So when he first contacted me, I wasn't really into it. But the more we got to talking, the more I was enjoying his company. Plus, he has some GREAT attributes. He's a strong Christian, educated, has a good steady job, the dude is a virgin(can you believe that??), is a family man, has sparkly brown eyes, and freakin huge biceps! So, we followed the normal path> Match.com>Facebook>texting>talking. And our first date was on Sept 9. Since it was our first date, we decided to meet in the middle, so we met in Baytown. We had dinner, and then...ugh...did something I thought I would NEVER do...Two-stepping. I told him that everything about that date was WAY out of my comfort zone. But, wouldn't you know it? Dancing?? Boys, THAT'S the way to woo a lady!!! Just take her out on the dancefloor, and whisk her away! She will melt in your arms, as I did with this guy... phew...

So, we talked and danced, and talked and danced, played pool, then talked and danced. He started getting romantic with me towards the end of the night, which was very nice. I started to feel the little butterflies. For the last dance, he held my hand as he walked me to the dancefloor, then after that, he kept holding into my hand while we walked back to his truck. So we drove back to the restaurant where my car was parked, and we were hugging goodbye, and for the first time ever, I kissed a boy on the first date. I guess that's not that big of a deal considering I've kissed strangers before. But I really liked him. So we talked and kissed and laughed and cuddled for about 45 minutes, then I drove off feeling for the first time in five years that I was a part of something special.

Chapter 2:
I didn't hear from him the next day. I figured he was just playing it cool. But luckily, he texted me late that night with a text that implied he'd been out hunting with his dad all day, so I was feeling good about the whole thing again. We talked each night for hours, and by Wednesday we had planned to hang out that next weekend. I looked forward to that next date and the rest of the week flew by. That Saturday, I planned to drive out to his house in East Texas, cook him dinner, and we'd watch a movie. So, I headed out, stopped at the grocery store on the way, picked up some stuff for spaghetti, and made it the rest of the way to his house. We played it coy and flirted with each other while I was cooking. It was exactly how I'd imagined it would be. I loved every minute, feeling close to him, getting to know him more, looking forward to what this would bring. We ate dinner, and talked a bit, washed the dishes together, then cuddled on the couch to watch Cold Mountain, which we ended up talking through anyway. When I say talking, I actually mean talking. I mean, there was a bit of frivolity. But it was good get-to-know-you time. So, the movie ended, and we didn't even notice since we were still enjoying our time together. Then we started talking about music, so he got out his guitar, and we played and I sang for him. He looked startled, and said, "Dang..." And I said, "I told you I could sing!" And he replied, 'Well, people say a lot of things!" ha ha... So we played and sang some more, then we danced to some Zydeco music. God...just thinking about it right now makes me happy.

Chapter 3:
We planned to hang out again that next weekend. We couldn't find a good time to get together during the day time because I had opera, and he was going hunting, so we decided to do an overnight date. We planned that he would come to my house, meet Jenn, then he'd go to church with us the next day, then go out to lunch with Jax and Jesse. He didn't get there til late, we hung out with Jenn for a little while, then he and I cuddled and talked a while. He had a headache, so he went to bed pretty soon after. The next day, I took him to church, and he took to my church like he'd been there his whole life talking to people, introducing himself, making new friends. I felt proud to show him off and introduce him to my friends. He said he loved my church and loved the music. After church, I took him over to my school to show him where I work, took him into my classroom. Then we met up with Jax, Jesse, and jenn for lunch. We had a good time, talked to Jesse about guns, and the army. Later he told me he was really impressed with Jesse. Personally I think Jesse's kind of a tool, but if Boy D liked him, I was glad that he'd have someone to hang out with.

After that he drove home, and we barely talked that next week. Of course I was thinking the worse. After a handful of texts and emails over the course of the week, he finally called me Saturday afternoon and broke things off. I saw it coming, but I was still sad about it. I had to drag it out of him because I could tell he was trying to do that in the nicest way possible. he said he liked me, but it wasn't working for him. I don't know what that means. I don't know what went wrong. And I also don't think he gave me enough of a chance. But he was so sweet to me. I can't be upset. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It was the same way with me and Boy B.

It took me a few days before I stopped feeling sad about it. After several days of sulking, a couple of tears, and a closure email to him, I was over it. Well...sort of...Almost two weeks after he broke it off, I'm still wearing red toenail polish he requested...

Adventures in Matchmaking

That title probably won't stick. I'll think of something better...

So, here goes. Instead of blogging about theatre or teaching or whatever, it's become...shall we say, necessary, to blog about a current adventure in my life.

DATING.

I signed up for Match.com back in July. I hadn't dated ANYONE, and I mean...A-N-Y-O-N-E, in about 5 years, so I was fed up. That's ridiculous. If I ever want to find a husband, I've got to "put myself out there," "get back on the horse," and all those other cliches you hear from people who date. I decided that I MUST be proactive, but in a way that I don't have to be the pursuer. Thanks to modern technology, that path exists!! So, now that I've had a few experiences, I am retroactively starting a blog chronicling my misadventures in dating.

I went for the whole shebang too. I didn't go in halfway. I paid the highest price for the premium membership with all the advatages it offers, and I'm trying my hand at the 6-month guarantee, in case after 6 months I'm still single(which is looking like a good decision seeing how I'm at 4 months, and still aren't in a relationship...). So, that means, in theory, this blog will be a year in the life of an internet dater. I won't use anyone's real names, or real details, that way if I end up marrying a dude from match.com, he won't get upset with me for writing about him.

So, without any further ado... let me begin my first adventure...

Once upon a time in July 2011, I went against everything I was brought up to believe about love, and bought a membership to Match.com. My father always told me that I'd meet my husband at church... never once in all my life have I ever met a boy at the church I was currently attending. EVER. So, at this point in my life, I want to get married, and I ain't gettin any younger, so I decided to give it a try. So, I began in secret.

First I talked to one guy(Boy A) who lived in Galveston. We had planned to hang out when I dropped off Jenn and friends for their cruise. I was hoping to begin dating this person while she was away so I wouldn't have to explain anything to her, but we just never came together.

Boy B looked promising. He and I had a lot in common. He was very well educated, had a Master's degree, and got it abroad, so he was a very interesting person. We had a lot to talk about. We started talking around the end of July, got on facebook with each other, then started texting. Soon after that we started talking on the phone, then we met up. Our first "outing" was lunch on his lunchbreak from work, which was alright. Very low pressure. I didn't really feel attracted to him, but since this whole thing is about stepping out of your comfort zone, I decided to give him another chance since we got along real well. So, we went out again, and this time did something romantic in nature. We got some wine and cheese, and enjoyed it in the park. I liked how creative and open-minded he was when it came to dates. We had a nice talk, discussed past relationships, and really opened up to each other. But, after that I just couldn't make myself be attracted to him. I feel bad. He was a good guy, and from what he told me, I think I'm exactly what he was looking for.

Boy C isn't really worth the mention, but I'll mention him since we did meet up in person. He was artistic and funny, but I wasn't attracted to him, so we only went out once.

Now Boy D...Boy D gets his own post.

First post!

I used to have a livejournal, you know, back when livejournal was a thing. I enjoyed it very much. You know... going back to your dorm room after a long day of being emo, typing up your pointless feelings in the dark while your roommate is sleeping, whilst going through the "post adolescent ideastic phase" as Dion so aptly puts it in "Clueless." Then, having your other emo friends read it and get mad at you because you talked about them...only cryptically so that they can't *really* get mad at you. Ah college. What I wouldn't give...

Anyway, I decided to start a blog. Not that anyone cares, but I write stuff sometimes.

This will probably end up being a spot for writing about theatre, travel, maybe a bit about teaching, but there's only so much I can write about teaching on the internet. But also, I'm trying to come up with a plan for the future. I have a long term plan to move to England, but I need to start now. So I may include my musings on that. Ask for advice, stuff like that.

Anyway, stay tuned!!